Sunday, December 03, 2006

16 Days of Activism

I can't help but feel obliged to write about this.

I have fond memories from my childhood, but along with that are experiences that a child should never be witness to.

'Til today, I can recall many nights of hearing my dad pull up in the driveway at home after a night out at the pub. My mom would quickly usher both my brother and I to our bedrooms telling us not to come out until dad was asleep. We could hear him yelling at mom - accusing her of arbitrary things.

When things would get really heated, my brother and I would brave out into the kitchen asking "why are you fighting?" - hoping they will stop.

It's hard enough as a child seeing two people who claim they love each other fight the way they did. But it's even worse watching your father smack your mother around. Whether it be watching her crash through the coffee table in the lounge or seeing the bruises on her body a day or two after.

For anyone who's reading this and thinking "why didn't she just get out?". You can't just "get out". It's a lot harder than what it seems from the outside. It goes deeper than that. When someone constantly beats on your self-esteem, breaks down your self-confidence and toys with your emotions on a daily basis, you tend to build this co-dependent relationship and you feel totally reliable on this person.

I never wish I saw the things I did when I was a child. But I did. It's made me a stronger person today but it's something I have to deal with and will never forget.

I love you mom.

Further reading here



At 12:49 AM, Anonymous Christopher said...

There's hardly ever an easy way out. It doesn't even always have to be physical abuse. I'm sure we've all taken emotional and psychological abuse and only afterwards could we look back and go "I should've gotten out sooner!"

My childhood was exceptionally rosy, but as a child I experienced things that made me grow up faster than a child should. (My parents are a great couple. I experienced the death of my best friend aged 5. I saw through the eyes of close ones the effect of spousal conflict and all manner of adult-themes).

The important thing is to come to terms with the past and work towards an enriching future...preferably containing Pirates!

At 2:41 AM, Anonymous Christopher said...

One quick side-note. Interesting link.

I can't help but feel that for greater chances of success such campaigns need to diversify and take a stance against "Spousal Abuse" and tackle both the cases of domestic violence against women (in the majority) and domestic violence against men (it exists, people)

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Charl said...

I think its brilliant that you wrote about this Cands, I know how u feel as I grew up in similar surroundings.

And having seen all that as young as we were, cuts deep and stays with us forever.

Whats worse was to see my mom pass away knowing all the crap she had in her life, wishing that it was better for her.

and now i still feel the emotional abuse, staying with my father coz he has put me in her place...and No its really not easy to just 'get out'. If it was I would have been gone a long long time ago.

At 11:15 PM, Blogger Natalie said...

It's brave of you to come out and say this stuff Cands. It can't have been easy and it's very hard to avoid entering these kinds of relationships in your own adult life. To see a parent, who is meant to be unfallible and a protector to your family, be so out of control and so wrong, is horrific.

Just be strong for your mum like you were then and rest in the knowledge that your life is filled with people who'd never raise a hand to you. We all think only the best of you - such a decent, caring person to come out of a situation like that.

At 10:02 PM, Anonymous Christopher said...

I don't think the best of Candice...she's too "ninja" and not enough "pirate".

Yeah...thinking about it...Candice kinda sucks!


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